Is Leftist Self- Development Even Possible?
Or Is Self Development Inherently Individualistic?
Individualism: Self first. Self over. Self severed from ecology of life.
Sometimes, in rejection of individualism, reactively swinging to: Self last. Self below. Self severed from ecology of life.
Liveable futures characterised by: Self amongst. Self within. Self integrated in ecology of life.
Hello, I'm Keri and over the next 17 hours I will argue that leftist, relational coaching could contribute substantially to the possibility of continued life on Earth. NBD.
I have such big feelings about this, and I've been trying to write the perfect (SEO optimised) piece that touches on all facets of my influences- psychological, social, political, etc- and wraps it up with a bow, my gift to you. Alas, I am going to need to find my way to a more comprehensive take by exploring this topic with you here in fragments and bursts for now.
I'm noticing, with some interest, how I needed that little summary at the top- the kind of thing you might see in the format of an instagram post. An extremely distilled summary of my argument, or at least where it's headed. It was like I couldn't start writing unless I'd hinted at the punchline. Is this symptomatic of our communicative norms being distorted by reliance on social media? Or is it just a protective urge in me, wanting to tell you I have something to say that feels too big to contain, and wanting to reduce the chances that you will misunderstand me along the way?
Let me try and get to it. Let's start with the Self Development/ Wellness/ Coaching industries, and the ways in which they function in upholding the status quo. We could consider...
Appropriation of indigenous ideas and practices without context, credit or regard for the ongoing effects of imperialism
The reinforcement of hierarchical structures (pyramids) where power and resources are distributed in vastly inequitable ways, where various tiers of 'celebrity' are established (You heard about Deepak Chopra in the Epstein files, right? Content warning for sexual abuse) But waaaaaaaaaay further down the pyramid, people repeatedly share their stories with me of cultures where the leader cannot be criticised, where valid dissent or constructive feedback are rewritten as the client being under-developed or not trying hard enough
Remember I said 'industries'. Here, to sell and climb the pyramid, the encouragement to perform certainty and oversimplification, to strip the human experience of all context and lead with one size fits all bollocks nonsense (this is beautifully highlighted on one of my favourite podcasts, If Books Could Kill- we mentioned this as a recommendation in my conversation with Louisa Toxvaerd Munch- "We Can't Have a Democracy Without Informed Citizens").
In short, the self development/ coaching/ wellness industries inform and are informed by individualism.
All of this and more is swirling around my mind when I dare to say, "heyyyyyyyy you guys, I think 'self development' could help save life on Earth!"
Oh, and I don't BELIEVE 'self development' exists, or at least in the ways in which we think about it in this Last Stage Capitalist shitshow. Development is never personal- it's always inter, intra.
Inter-personal, inter- being. Development emerges in the relationship between me and someone else, human or other living thing. It might be that I read about their ideas, or I saw them blossom or a conversation we had.
Intra- personal, intra- being. Development emerges in the context of my inner life too, which is itself composed of millions of relational episodes- my social conditioning, what I had for breakfast or a million conversations that fertilise a place for this one to land in me.
I believe that Leftist Coaching (hi, it's me) must make this reality more salient. That we 'make and unmake one another' as Naomi Klein writes. Thinking too of Octavia Butler's writing in her Parables.
"All that you touch, you change
All that you change, changes you"
Does this feel true to you? It matches my observations in myself, my client work, my parenting and the rest of my life. I also notice that so much of my personal angst and that which I tend to in my work emerges from resisting this reality, a determination to be unchanged by others.
This rigidity is encouraged in the mainstream narrative. Yes, you should change- linearly, quantumly (?), relentlessly- but always on your own strict, goal oriented terms. If you're being affected by someone else in a way that has you feeling some things, if you're having relational experiences that get in the way of your personal ease and flow, you need more BOUNDARIES. Boundaries for everyone! (I'm picturing that Oprah meme- you get a boundary, you get a boundary! Everyone gets a boundary!)
OF COURSE- there are people and circumstances in which setting and holding boundaries are the right steps- life saving steps even. Without them, people might find themselves in that pickle I mentioned at the top of this note: Self last. Self below. Self severed from ecology of life.
BUT- boundaries are often parachuted into contexts where there is already confusion, struggle and perhaps bid for care and support. De-skilled in the relational realm inside these systems, we are likely to notice boundaries that land in that other way I mentioned at the top of this note: Self first. Self over. Self severed from ecology of life.
AND- there are so many of us who are yearning for more connection, deeper intimacy, more of that ecstatic experience of being alive together that the systems say we can only have in the narrowest range of contexts. Whilst we are conditioned to fragment ourselves from one another, to sink into binaries, to retreat into the self to armour up or disappear, perhaps parts of us still remember, "this is not how life is meant to be".
"If it's going to take all of us, give me sticky, sticky relation". ~ Lola Olufemi
Self amongst. Self within. Self integrated in ecology of life. This is the culture of liveable futures.
I'm talking about a world where my needs and yours are not competing, but the meeting of those needs is collaborative. What do you notice here? (And OH MY GOD I DO NOT MEAN YOU CAN'T POUR FROM AN EMPTY CUP - that's one of those vast oversimplifications that does my head in- and maybe I will get into that next week. In the meantime, I wonder, what do YOU notice about why this metaphor is unfit?)
We need to include more people in our lives to do this, because in tiny webs of support with finite resources, needs do compete.
We need to get more skilled in relation to bring and keep more people in our lives.
We need to develop our self- concepts to commit to the relational re-skilling and to brave putting it into practice.
I'm outta time for writing this week, but picking up from 'self-'concept' next time.
