How (Not) To Change Someone’s Mind About a Moral Political Issue
If we are serious about liveable futures, we are going to have to understand this...
When we ask someone to change their mind about a political "issue", we are often asking them to do something much bigger- to re-imagine WHO THEY ARE. A person doesn’t know themselves in isolation- the self unfolds as a series of billions of interactions with various contexts and the beings within them.
If we want to remain in relation with people (for practical or emotional reasons) whilst fertilising their political consciousness and capacity for critical thought, we need to offer them ways to change their minds that don’t rob them of the facets of their identities they attach to for psychological safety.
This isn’t me saying *you* SHOULD do this- especially if you are someone who is especially harmed within these systems. But if you want to, or you have to, you may as well invest your energy in effective, generative approaches. AND... *at least some of us* are gonna have to get stuck into this- how else is the culture going to shift?
(PS I also love to be petty and insufferable- we are human too and the feelings will need to come out somewhere).
As you might've seen me yap on about before- I believe that most people believe themselves to be, broadly, good people. And I believe that NO ONE is a good person. It's symptomatic of a society where all capacity for complexity has collapsed that we are pulled to think of ourselves and one another in binaries- good people, bad people, clever people, 'stupid' people, generous people, selfish people, etc.
In reality, most of us are capable of behaviours that reflect fluctuating relationships with decency and care as we participate in aliveness across a great number of contexts- overlapping, interrelating, reminding us of one another, contrasting with one another. The self is not some stable collection of traits, but an organic, dynamic phenomenon, interbecoming with the ecologies we move through.
Nevertheless, inside Neoliberalism, we are required to perform a static or linear self that keeps us psychologically safe. Depending upon characteristics like sex, gender, race, disability and more, the requirements will change. But I notice that there are 2 ways in which people particularly cling to being seen.
something like decent (perhaps kind/ compassionate/ generous)
something like clever (perhaps logical/ rational/ informed)
I wonder if you might pause for a moment and consider that it's like for you yourself when someone seems to be implying that you are not these things.
"But Kezza, that's different, I AM those things!"
I don't think so. I don't think anyone is- or at least, I don't think these are useful ways to describe ourselves and one another. And I'm pretty sure that -however foolish or delusional you believe them to be- the people you would like to tell about themselves believe they are these things too. Or at least- are utterly terrified of not being seen in these ways.
When we think we can change people's minds with some combo of
facts and information
severing them from their perceptions of themselves
we are doomed to fail, and to erode our future relational potential along the way.
Whilst I can't give you a script for these conversations - because it's about responsive, relational movement that's unique to each dynamic- I can share practices, tips and useful language you might like to play with. (That'll be next Sunday). I can also help you to get into a more agile relationship with yourself where all of this becomes much easier. (That's in my coaching work).
There are 2 ways to work with me at the moment, both closing soon.
Combining OPEN NOW (1 space left) is my blended 1:1 & small group coaching offering. The first Combination Assembly will be the 13th of October. If you'd like to explore whether it's for you drop me an email hey@kerijarviscom
6 Month Study Group- Parables for the Polycrisis OPEN NOW beginning October 8th.
(A beloved member of our community has offered to cover the costs of the books for a couple of people- please drop me a reply if you need this support. I'll be the only person who knows who accessed it).
Much love and solidarity, Keri x
