Coaching at the End of the World
When we pictured the Pox (Octavia Butler's characters' shorthand for the apocalypse they've been living through), I don't think I imagined we would still be going to work, paying taxes or having to get the kids to school on time.
And yet, end times fascism is here and the life admin keeps on coming alongside the rest of the demands made of us in this life we call 'normal'.
Last weekend I went to the Defend Our Juries action in Parliament Square in solidarity with the people making personal sacrifices to protect our rights and shine a light on our Government's participation in the genocide of the Palestinian people. Afterwards, I read a police statement saying that there had been 'a co-ordinated attempt to prevent the police from carrying out their duties'. That's not what I experienced at all.
Rather, I was surrounded by deeply decent humans who have simply had enough of this pantomime of morality and democracy that our society has descended into. They'd come to the end of their tolerance for participating in it, for behaving as if they consent to this kind of policing. If there was 'co-ordination', I believe it happened as a mycellium network might share a sort of consciousness, various parts shaping one another's responses, rather than through any explicit agreement or planning.
More and more people are moving towards relation, readying themselves for what will be asked of them.
"The governing ideology of the far right in our age of escalating disasters has become a monstrous, supremacist survivalism.
It is terrifying in its wickedness, yes. But it also opens up powerful possibilities for resistance. To bet against the future on this scale – to bank on your bunker – is to betray, on the most basic level, our duties to one another, to the children we love, and to every other life form with whom we share a planetary home. This is a belief system that is genocidal at its core and treasonous to the wonder and beauty of this world. We are convinced that the more people understand the extent to which the right has succumbed to the Armageddon complex, the more they will be willing to fight back, realizing that absolutely everything is now on the line."
I don't know if I think this is true. Or rather, I'm not sure I think it's the whole story. Many people I work with understand very well indeed what's going on in our society, and often find themselves overwhelmed by that knowing in a daily life where most people around them are ignorant to it (deliberately or otherwise). In this isolation, they may be willing(ish) to fight back in some way, but may find themselves unable to proceed- stuck, confused, tangled up, frozen. Then comes the weight of the inaction despite the knowing...
There's a reckoning with the self that must occur for most of us before we can access and maintain new behaviours in this arena. We are asking ourselves to abandon long held notions of self- I'm talking deeply embedded, 'proven' ideas about how we remain socially, psychologically safe in this world. Some of us may be able to ignore the discomfort and push through for a little while, but it's unlikely we will be able to sustain it. Enter criticism, ambiguity or disappointment - bringing their echoes along the spirals of time- and the risk may become incapacitating once more.
Perhaps then, some of the most meaningful groundwork we can do to meet 'the end of the world' is to get into more agile relationships with ourselves (and our contexts). This is where developmental coaching becomes relevant.
I mention often how much I appreciate Tatiana Bachkirova's work (introduced to me by Sas Petherick). Something I took from her excellent book (I'm oversimplifying for this context) is this leap we are invited to make from something like "I experience myself as a function of how others experience me" to "my sense of self is fluid and continuously created". (It's not straight from one to the other, and it's not a linear process you can 'complete', but I find the language a really useful capture of the direction of unfolding of my own relationship with myself, and what I observe happening for my clients over time).
It's from this place of flexibility that we have more space to venture into experimental territory- we don't need to spend energy 'managing' how our outcomes might threaten some sculpture of ourselves we have carved out of stone. Rather, we might see the self as a garden- in various states of becoming at all times- blooming, wilting, decaying, etc. We might access more curiosity here- who is it possible to be right now?
And from here I'm bound to think of one of my fave Nora Bateson questions that you're probably seen me quote a million times: who can you be when you're with me?
This is why I am so committed to the format of Combining, my blended 1:1 and small group coaching offering. (The next cohort begins at the end of this month, I'm having chats with people now).
We need both
dedicated spaces, rooted in unconditional positive regard, to explore our self concepts (who I am in this world) without concern of taking up too much time or space
shared realms where the relational terrain enriches us as we tend to it together. I'm very interested in how these groups may be rehearsal spaces for behaviours we would like to take back out into the wider world
Combining my exquisite 1:1 attention with the vibrant vitality of group work- join me from to resist the illusion of independence & to honour the contributions you’re yearning to make in these times of deepening polycrisis.
I'd love to chat with you if this is speaking to you. 1 space booked, 5 remaining.
Love and solidarity pals,
Keri x
